It's been a very exciting week for me. Not only did I catch the first glimpse of what will probably be the cover of my forthcoming book, but I had a chance to try my hand at making a video trailer for the book. This was something entirely new for me. I've been a reluctant feature in home movies, but I've never had to try to to project any kind of message using video images. Like any beginner doing this, I learned all kinds of hard lessons about myself. I talked too fast. I dropped my volume at the end of sentences sometimes. I don't swing my arms very much when I walk, which looks weird (my wife, at breakfast this morning, almost spewed her coffee in amusement at the idea that I hadn't really known this before this week). What was most interesting, though, was having a chance to see myself from the outside.
Just after I earned my PhD, a dear friend of mine gave me a book: The Personality Surgeon, by Colin Wilson. I have no idea how she chose this particular book for me and didn't have a chance to ask her, but I've probably wondered more about this gift over the years than almost any other that I've ever received. From my current perspective, it seems like a remarkable act of prescience. The premise of the book is that a psychiatrist stumbles upon the idea that if we could only see ourselves as others see us, many personality problems would be solved. This basic idea is spun off in classic Wilson style by the introduction of the idea that if we see ourselves as we're not, perhaps our personalities can be changed.
I'm not sure whether seeing my hulking presence on a screen will turn me into a new man (I suspect not), but Wilson's idea, and my own thoughts about embodiment, have a kind of resonance. How much of what we are depends on having that third person point of view concealed from us? And when we look on, as we do when we see video images of ourselves or avatars representing ourselves in virtual reality, how does that change who we are?
Much of our understanding of ourselves must come from feedback from the outside world. I know I've hurt your feelings when I see you cry. I know I've pressed the elevator button when I see it light up. Turning a mirror on ourselves using any number of different space-shifting technologies changes those feedback loops in all kinds of interesting ways.
I'm going on vacation for a few days -- going to take in some nature scenery at a campground. I have an idea which book I'll take with me.
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